What's Really Important Anyway?

Mindfulness - The Drivers of Human Emotion: Navigating Pleasure and Pain 😇😈

Human emotion, a swirling interplay of feelings, thoughts, and reactions, is one of the most significant forces driving human behaviour. At its heart lies a foundational principle: the innate tendency to gravitate toward pleasure and retreat from pain. This universal dynamic isn’t merely a survival mechanism; it is a compass that directs every decision, interaction, and aspiration we undertake. 

F.E.A.R. has been the strongest driving emotion that I have seen influencing people’s decision making. An acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when fear is warranted and is part of our built-in survival mechanism as humans. However, there is now a fear which seems to be growing which is not necessary for us to live in peace and harmony.

Therefore, it is important to know what fears real and what fears are created by our thoughts. When we learn to be conscious of what is driving our emotions and remain present in the moment, we remain in control of our reactions and responses. This is what gives us our superpowers.

The Biological Basis of Emotion 🩺

Human emotions are inextricably linked to the brain’s complex architecture. Neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin play pivotal roles in rewarding our pursuit of pleasure. When we experience joy, love, or satisfaction, dopamine surges act as a "chemical reward," reinforcing behaviours that evoke these positive states. Conversely, the brain’s pain centres produce aversive signals, ensuring that we avoid actions or experiences that threaten our well-being. Evolutionarily, this mechanism was essential for survival. Early humans sought the pleasurable reward of sustenance and companionship while avoiding dangerous predators or harmful environments. Although our modern lives are largely removed from these primal threats, the underlying circuitry remains intact, influencing everything from our relationships to career choices.

Pleasure as a Guiding Light 💡

Pleasure manifests in myriad forms, from visceral enjoyment to an abstract sense of achievement. It can be as simple as the comfort of warm sunlight on skin or as profound as the success of long-term goals. Humans often chase happiness, fulfillment, and euphoria—states that reassure the mind and body that life is worth living. Physical pleasures: Sensory experiences like tasting delicious food, listening to music, or feeling the warmth of an embrace are immediate and tangible forms of pleasure. These sensory joys trigger the brain’s reward systems, linking particular actions to feelings of gratification. Emotional and intellectual pleasures: Humans also derive pleasure from intangible sources like bonding with loved ones, learning something new, or achieving a career milestone. These deeper layers of satisfaction often connect to our sense of purpose and identity, fulfilling psychological needs rooted in self-actualization and esteem. The pursuit of pleasure is deeply intertwined with hope and anticipation. Future rewards motivate us to persevere, whether in the daily grind or in moments of hardship. This anticipation feeds the human spirit, propelling us toward paths of growth and discovery.

The Aversion to Pain 😢

Just as humans are drawn to pleasure, they are equally driven to flee from pain. Pain serves as a warning, an urgent signal demanding change or escape. Yet pain is not merely physical; it encompasses emotional turmoil, social rejection, and existential dread. Physical pain: Acute physical discomfort, such as injury or illness, prompts immediate action to protect the body and ensure survival. The instinctive aversion to physical suffering underlies our efforts to seek medical care, avoid dangerous environments, and prioritize physical health. Emotional pain: The agony of loss, failure, or loneliness often leaves deeper scars than those inflicted by physical harm. Humans instinctively avoid situations that bring emotional distress, choosing paths that promise solace and connection. The fear of rejection, for example, can shape social behaviour, encouraging individuals to conform or seek acceptance. While avoidance of pain is essential, its presence is not entirely detrimental. Pain can teach resilience, offering opportunities for growth and insight. Many great human achievements arise from overcoming adversity, underscoring the paradox that pain, when confronted, can lead to enduring success and fulfillment.

The Balance of Pleasure and Pain ⚖

The interplay between pleasure and pain defines the human experience. These opposing forces are not binary; they coexist in a dynamic push and pull, shaping the choices we make and the lives we lead. Adaptation and resilience: Humans are remarkably adept at adapting to both pleasure and pain. Positive experiences can foster gratitude and optimism, while negative ones can inspire innovation and strength. The ability to find balance amid these fluctuations is a testament to human resilience. Short-term versus long-term motivations: The tension between immediate gratification and delayed rewards often dictates human behaviour. The inclination to indulge in fleeting pleasures must be weighed against the desire for lasting achievements. Understanding this balance is crucial for cultivating a life rich in meaning and happiness.

What Does That Mean in Practice? 👷🏼‍♀️👷🏼‍♂️

Being present and conscious of your thoughts and being able to decipher the ones that are driven by reality rather than pure emotion is a great place to start. Having clearly defined goals in your life with an overarching purpose is important because it helps bring clarity to those times when F.E.A.R. or the need for instant gratification could so easily influence us to make the wrong decisions. A good example of this is with food. I know I have indulged in food which has definitely taken me further away from my goal of having a six pack and being fit and healthy. The instant gratification and fear of missing out on that sweet, soft, chocolate, cream filled éclair and the contrasting textures as you bite into the soft bun against the crisp dark chocolate...I digress… You get the picture, and I am sure you have experienced the regret you feel after you have indulged.
The pleasure has now left and the disappointment of not sticking to your goal sets in. Or we start to justify our decision to keep the guilt/regret monster off our back and tell ourselves that its ok every now and then because life is about balance. The only problem is that the scales are leaning way too much in favour of the chocolate eclairs vs the exercise and healthy eating. So, what do we do? We make sure that our purpose and reason for experiencing short term pain for long term gain is strong. We stay present in the moment so that we can experience both what it will feel like to have the éclair and what it will feel like to stay strong and true to our purpose. It’s important we don’t just react to our emotions and act unconsciously. In my experience, practicing this skill over and over creates a habit, and the ability to remain present and make good decisions becomes much easier.

Conclusion 🔚

The drivers of human emotion—pleasure and pain—are the threads weaving the tapestry of life. We need to remain present with purpose and that way we will remain in control of the hand that does the weaving. understanding these forces, individuals can cultivate self-awareness, make informed decisions, and lead lives that honour both joy and resilience and reduce suffering.

May peace and happiness find you with every step you take.

Jay

Parenting - The Importance of Embracing Support as a First-Time Parent

A thunderous storm had been unleashing its fury and putting on an amazing light show outside the hospital as I waited anxiously for our son to be born. He arrived the following morning and the world was never the same again. Being a parent for the first time is a transformative experience, filled with moments of awe and joy, yet undeniably laced with challenges. It is natural to feel the weight of responsibility and the desire to excel in your new role, but you don’t have to navigate the journey alone. Allowing others to help not only enhances your capabilities as a parent but also brings joy to those who support you. Particularly the grandparents. Parenthood, after all, is not about perfection—it's about growth, connection, and embracing the miracle of life with others.

Sharing the Joy: Why Others Love to Help 🎉🥳

One of the most beautiful aspects of parenting is witnessing the outpouring of love and care from friends, family, and even neighbours. When you let others assist you, you’re giving them an opportunity to share in the precious moments of your child’s early life. Grandparents beam with pride as they cradle the next generation, friends delight in watching the child they’ll come to adore, and seasoned parents find fulfillment in passing along their hard-earned wisdom. Helping a first-time parent is an inherently rewarding experience. It creates bonds, strengthens relationships, and fosters a sense of purpose. Those around you relish the opportunity to offer their time, advice, and love because it’s a chance to contribute to something meaningful. By accepting their support, you affirm their role in your life and give them the gift of shared joy.

The Danger of Doing It All Alone

In the rush to prove oneself capable, some first-time parents fall into the trap of trying to do everything on their own. I know I was one who wanted to make sure that I seemed like I knew what I was doing. As a perfectionist at heart it was at times challenging for me to let go of that egotistical need to know it all and let others in. While noble in intention, this approach can quickly lead to exhaustion, stress, and feelings of inadequacy. Parenthood is a marathon, not a sprint. Attempting to shoulder every task—from feeding schedules to household chores—can drain you of the energy necessary to truly cherish the fleeting moments with your child. Moreover, trying to manage everything solo can isolate you from the very support networks designed to uplift you. Friends and family are often eager to help, but if their offers are consistently declined, they may hesitate to ask again. This can unintentionally create a barrier where you feel alone in your parenting journey. Remember, accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness and it is a show of strength. How can you possible know how to be and do something perfectly that you have never done before.

There’s No Such Thing as the Perfect Parent 👨‍👩‍👦

Perfection is a myth, especially in parenting. The image of the flawless parent—the one who never makes mistakes, always has the answers, and navigates every challenge effortlessly—is an illusion. Each child is unique, and so is every parenting experience. What works for one might not work for another. Striving for perfection can lead to unnecessary pressure and self-doubt. Instead, embrace the idea that imperfection is a natural and humane part of being a parent. Mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable and honest about your struggles, you open the door to connection and understanding, not only with others but also with yourself. Admitting that you don’t have to be perfect is liberating—it allows you to focus on being present, rather than flawless.

Learning Is Strength, Not Weakness 💪🏼

One of the greatest gifts of parenting is the realization that growth comes from learning. As a first-time parent, you might feel the pressure to know it all, but the truth is, the journey is filled with continuous discovery. Whether it’s learning how to soothe a crying baby, deciphering sleep patterns, or understanding developmental milestones, knowledge is your ally—and so are those who’ve walked the path before you. Seeking advice and guidance is not a sign that you’re failing; it’s a testament to your determination to adapt and improve. By tapping into the collective knowledge of experienced parents, professionals, and your community, you gain insights that can save time, reduce stress, and enhance your parenting skills. Remember, strength lies in collaboration and humility. When you allow yourself to learn from others, you’re modelling resilience and openness for your child. You’re teaching them that no one is expected to have all the answers, and that seeking wisdom from others is a powerful tool for personal growth.

Building a Community of Support

Parenthood thrives in the presence of community. By fostering relationships with those who care about you and your child, you create a network of mutual aid, trust, and companionship. This community can be as small as a close circle of family or as expansive as parenting groups and online forums. The key is to engage and connect—to share your journey and invite others to share theirs. When you allow others to help, you not only benefit from their support, but you also strengthen the bonds that tie you together. You might find that someone’s advice on feeding schedules is just what you needed, or that a friend’s offer to babysit gives you the chance to recharge. Every gesture, no matter how small, builds a foundation of shared effort and mutual care.

Conclusion: The Beauty of Shared Parenthood 🙏🏼

Being a first-time parent is an extraordinary experience, but it’s also one that comes with its share of challenges. By allowing others to help, you unlock a wealth of benefits—not only for yourself but for your child and the people who care about you. You embrace the joy others find in contributing, alleviate your own burdens, and create a community of support built on trust and collaboration. There’s no need to aspire to perfection, nor to shoulder every task on your own. Parenthood is a journey of love, learning, and connection. When you reach out, accept help, and lean on the wisdom of others, you embody the essence of shared humanity. Remember, learning from others is a strength, not a weakness, and together, you’ll navigate the beautiful and unpredictable path of parenthood.

Goal Setting - I Am Going To be Batman

It’s 1994. I’d just arrived home from a 4-month trip to the UK, a much-needed break my dad sent me on because I was mentally and physically drained—juggling life as a ladies' hairdresser while pushing through a business economics diploma. Somewhere in the cold surf of Gower, Wales, I realized something: I needed a change. Hairdressing wasn’t my path anymore.

No long after I arrived back home in sunny Queensland, I was cruising down the coast with my two younger brothers and a mate, chasing early morning waves. As we passed the amusement park Warner Bros. Movie World, I blurted out:

“I’m going to get a job there… and be Batman.”

The car nearly swerved off the road. The boys burst into laughter. “Yeah, as if!” “Whatever, dude!”

But I knew. Deep down, I knew I would work there. I didn’t understand the law of attraction at the time, but something told me I was simply stepping into what was already meant for me.

That same day, I started planning. The hardest part? Telling Dad I wasn’t going back to hairdressing. I’d been his apprentice and we had worked together with mum to build a an amazing hair dressing business. Now, being a dad myself, I understand how much that must have hurt.

To outsiders, it probably seemed absurd. I wasn’t exactly outgoing. Public speaking terrified me. Crowds overwhelmed me. I’d never done acting. Yet I was aiming to be a presenter—talking to thousands of people every day.

But that’s the thing about fear. I didn’t want to live in it. I wanted to challenge it. F.E.A.R., after all, is just False Evidence Appearing Real. And when I stripped away the doubt, the negativity—there was no real reason I couldn’t do it.

So I had Mum take some headshots. We picked the best ones, posted them off with my resume, and a week later, I got the call. Out of thousands of applicants, I’d made it to the shortlist.

I wasn’t surprised. Not out of arrogance—just a sense that I was walking the right path.

The process included a face-to-face interview and a ride presentation script to learn for an audition based on the Gremlins movie. That’s when the voices in my head started:

“What are you doing? You’re going to embarrass yourself.”
“You can’t even speak in front of strangers!”

But every time that voice came up, I countered it with:
“You just watch me.”

I practiced relentlessly. In the mirror. In the garden. To the dog. To my family. My throat literally bled from the yelling the script required. I had no idea about vocal training at that time, just raw determination to make the script as real as I could.

When the day of my audition arrived, I was nervous but not like I was in the past when needing to do public speaking at school. This was more excitement than anxiety. I was super excited to perform in front of people because I had practiced so much and was so prepared.

I was sitting in the waiting room with other candidates who were reciting their lines when all of a sudden, I felt an amazing sense of peace. I felt so centred and present in the moment. No anxiety, no stress, no worries just a sense of rightness. Like I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be at this very moment and everything would be fine.

I must have appeared weird sitting in the room with bright eyes staring off into space with a smile on my face when everyone else was going over their lines.

Eventually my name was called, and I went into the cinema where three people sat in front of the movie screen. I walked to the front turned and recognised two of the people from the face to face interview. They gave me a smile and the one I didn’t recognise said “when you’re ready Mr Longden”.

I took a breath, smiled, and went for it.

When I finished, there was no applause. Just one question:
“Why do you want to work here?”

I said,
“Because it’s my dream. I want to bring smiles to people’s faces—and prove to myself and my family that anything is possible if you work hard enough for it.”

Two weeks later, I got the call. I got the job!🎉

Six months later, I was standing on a podium in front of 5,000 people emceeing the Wet ’n’ Wild stunt show. Not long after that, I was standing on the Batmobile… dressed as Batman.🦇

It might not seem that big a deal to some, but for someone who had been so afraid of being out in the public’s view I felt I had climbed mount Everest and was now standing on top of the world. I had conquered my fears!

My dad always told us:
“There’s no such word as can’t. You can do anything you’re willing to put the time and effort into.”

I like to think I’ve honoured that advice through the many careers I’ve pursued.

Here’s what I know now:
The difference between those who dream and those who achieve is in the steps taken in between.
It’s planning.
It’s goal setting.
It’s purposeful, consistent effort.

So if you’ve got a dream that hasn’t come true yet—start.
Believe in yourself.
Ignore the noise.
Put in the work.
And when fear shows up…
Smile and say, “You just watch me.” ✌🏼

Jay ♥💪🏼🙏🏼

🤑Budgeting - The Twins Buget Mission

Disclaimer: This article is in no way meant to be seen as personal finanical advice for you. It is always recommended that you seek professional advie in relation to your persoanl circumstances. All information provided here is general in nature and should be taken as such.

This last week I have been discussing with my two nephews a plan to help them organise their finances.

 
The goal is simple.
Save money!

The plan is simple.
Take income and deduct all current expenses. Look at expenses and see what ones we can delete or at least modify to make smaller.

The Motivation
Still working on that part!

What we have done so far.
I have discussed with both lads what their current expenses are and have found two major liabilities that we can work on.

1. A credit card debt paying high interest rate.

2. A personal Loan paying high interest rate.

There are a few smaller expenses which are also just as important which we will also look at.

Over the coming weeks I will work with the guys to implement a plan on consolidating their debts and moving towards being disciplined in their spending of smaller items.

The biggest requirement that is missing now is the why, the motivation, the reason that will be strong enough to stop the impulse spending.

So in next weeks edition we will see how we are progressing with finding motivation, and what we have worked out in terms of dollars that they can look at saving.

I will also go over the how and mechanics of what we are looking at implementing.

Until then if you need any help with your budgeting feel free to get in touch with me.

Jump over to my website by clicking here for further information.

Next Week - When All Else Fails - Be Grateful.

Mindfulness - A lesson in gratitude I learned from a wedge tail eagle.

Parenting - Give your children the freedom to be themselves.

Goal Setting - The difference between a dream and a goal.

Budgeting - The twins motivation and what they can achieve.

If you have a few extra minutes and want a laugh check out the video below.

Have an amazing week!