How The Hell Did I End Up Here!

How The Hell Did I End Up Here!

I have asked myself this question more times than I care to count.  It was usually at times of great fear and suffering but occasionally I asked the question when overwhelmed by gratitude also.  It was when I consciously realised that the question was no longer necessary and that the answer came before the question that the fear and suffering dissolved.

One occasion in particular stand’s out vividly in my mind as it involved a matter of life and death (at least that was how my thought mind perceived it).  I remember thinking to myself quite clearly;

“You are going to die here all alone and no one will find you”.

Chasing Perfection

It was a perfect spring day which had begun with myself strapping my hang glider on the roof and heading off to the mountain.  An hour later I arrived to see the windsocks gently coming up the face of the launch area and a small collection of other pilots had just started setting up.  I was keen to get up in the air as it had been a while since my last flight.  Being a single full-time parent of a 7 year old was getting hectic. Especially now my son had started in the AusKick AFL program. I was attending training two nights a week and then the game on the weeknd as well as trying to work full time.

I remember thinking to myself:

“Imagine if you had 3 or 4 to look after!”.

The ironic part of not flying much myself is that I was, at the time, a hang glider instructor running my own flying school. Needless to say, I was very excited to be getting up in the air and getting some serious flying in.

I quickly said my hellos to the other pilots and set up my glider and it wasn’t long before I was standing on launch ready to go.  The windsocks turned favourably up the hill, I yelled “Clear!” and took 4 big steps with my fifth not finding ground as my wing soared out over the edge of the mountain.

My eyes darted left and right trying to find any indication of a thermal (hot air rising), which would lift me up high into the sky so that I could be on my way cross country.  Being a hang-gliding instructor, I felt I needed to put on a good show and the mark of a good pilot was how far they could fly across the countryside form their launch point.  If you were to simply take off and land at the bottom of the mountain (bomout), it was considered a fail.  If you also crashed your glider whilst landing in the bomout it was an epic fail.

I zoomed across the face of the mountain from one end to the other trying to find the perfect thermal.  I would join other gaggles of pilots who were circling in lift only to leave them for another group who seemed to be going up faster.  I was like a flying machine boosted by rockets and as I climbed out through the different pilots, I remember thinking;

“See guys this is how you do it!”

It wasn’t long before I had hit cloud base (where the base of the clouds start to form), and I was looking down at multi coloured wings circling and making their ascent towards me.  I looked off into the distance and decided which point I was going to fly to next to start making my away cross country, and moved my weight forward of the control bar so the glider picked up speed.

“This is going to be an epic day!”

I thought, as I cruised across the sky and watched the ground pass beneath me.  I had picked a ridge line as my next point to find a thermal at, as they were usually sure bets when it came to getting lift.  I arrived 500ft above the ridge and soon found some lift.  After circling a few times, I felt it was a bit weak and wanted to find something that would take me back to cloud base a quicker.  After all I was on a mission today to do some serious distance.

EGO Meet Death!

There is a saying in the non-powered flight fraternity that goes;

“Love the lift you’re in!”

I would come to chastise myself later this day and make a solemn promise to never forget that saying.

I cruised off and left the lift I was in 700ft above the ridge line to search for some stronger faster lift, all pumped up and stoked to be able to get some serious miles under my wing.  I could see a small outcropping of rock, a cliff face that jutted out from the surrounding trees and knew that it would be producing lift, as the morning sun was now bathing it in heat.  It meant having to go deep into the valley where there were no landing sites as it was surrounded by thick jungle type rainforest; however, for some reason I didn’t seem to think about that.  All I could see was an opportunity to get some strong lift and get back up to cloud base so I could keep flying further cross country.  This cliff face would be a sure thing and give me exactly what I needed. I again pulled the control bar in towards my waist and shot forward leaving the ridge behind me.

As I started crossing over the rainforest I hit a large amount of sink (term used in hang gliding for losing height), which started to get worse the further over the jungle I flew.  I heard a little voice in my head telling me that I should turn back and get some more height, but it was not as loud as my EGO that screamed at me to keep pushing on against my best judgement.

Five seconds later I was already regretting the decision; as the vario (the attached instrument that beeps at you if you are going up and moans when you are going down), was moaning so loudly that the birds below, in the now rapidly growing rainforest, were taking off from their perches in fright.

I looked back behind me and to my absolute horror realised that it was too late to turn back and make it over the ridge to safety.  Life went from, what I thought was perfection to; holy shit I am going to die! In a millisecond.

I was now below the level of the ridge height and about 100ft from the tops of the rainforest below me.  I was still heading for the cliff face that was coming up fast in front of me.  My butt cheeks clenched hard as an automatic response to my body feeling the need to get as streamlined as it could.  It may have also been to prevent a nasty accident from happening….

The Cliff, the Koalas, and the Climb Back

“Please God! Please let me make it!”

Is what I can remember thinking as the cliff face started to get closer and was now almost at eye level.  My brain felt like it was going to explode with the amount of thoughts that were running through it.  Thoughts of my family, my son, all the things I wanted to do and be, all compressed into microseconds fuelled by a heaviness of fear, regret and if only’s.

Then everything started slowing down.  The fear gave way to my training, and I entered fight or flight mode.  I looked down the valley to my right and made a quick surveillance to see what tree stood out to be the biggest and bushiest to land in, because that was what we get trained to do in situations like this.  I didn’t have time to think about dying anymore, and I started managing the situation with a strange calmness.  Instead of my thought pattern repeating;

“How the hell did I end up here!” and “I am going to die here alone!”

My mind gave me two options.

1. Keep flying to the cliff and try to get some height back, but lose time to find a decent tree to land in.

2. Turn around and fly out into the valley and find the biggest tree to crash land into.

I went with option 1. 

Whether it was what my gut/instinct was telling me, or becuase I just didnt want to quit and land it trees I don’t know. It just felt like the right path to take.

As I came within 5o meters horizontally of the cliff my variometer stopped the god awful moaning and then let out a soft blip, and then another blip and then a beep, beep, beep.  This meant that I was no longer in sink and actually in lift, increasing my height, all be it very slowly.  I still arrived at the cliff face low enough to shake hands with the koalas that inhabited these trees.  My left wing slowly lifted, and the variometer again let out some more happy beeps.  I gently turned my wing and started to circle not 20 feet above the rock shelf and the variometer kept a constant slow beep………….beep…………..beep.

I continued to circle above the rock face for what seemed to be an eternity, slowly making height and then losing some height.  I held the control bar with the softest of touches, constatnly wiggling my fingersSlowly the intermittent beeps got closer together and I was soon lifting up at 100ft a minute, then 200ft a minute then all of a sudden, I felt very heavy in the harness.  My Variometer started screaming a high-pitched sound and I was being lifted at 1600ft a minute.

I then managed to take in a very, very, long breath.

I continued circling looking down at the now rapidly shrinking rock face and trees.  I rested my arms on the control bar and tears streamed down my face.  The overwhelming sense of relief and adrenaline coursed through my body, as I said out loud;

“You are never going to be so dumb in your life ever again!”

Lessons from the Edge

I wish I could say that was my reality, and I stuck to that statement; however, as you get to know me you will realise that I have needed to make a lot more errors in judgement to get me to where I am today.

There is so much we can take out of our adventures whilst walking our path through life, the good the bad and the downright ugly.  All the answers are laid out Infront of you.  Sometimes we just need to stop, breath, bring ourselves into the present moment and allow acceptance and gratitude into our hearts so that we can walk down the right path.

Your spirit will feel lighter as you realize that you are a miracle on a planet floating in space, that is also a miracle. Life is infinitley better when you live with gratitude, amazement, wonder and have respect and kindness for all sentient beings. 

If you are someone who wonders why you repeatedly end up arriving at the same place in your life, its because you keep walking down the same path. To change your destination you need to change the path you keep walking down.  As uncomfortable as that might feel it is the only way for you to arrive at a different destination.

Even though the path may seem different there will be a common thread which needs to change.  The challenge is to find out what that thread is and then start to unravel it.  Understand it. Take ownership over it and then let it go, like releasing a feather on a gentle breeze.

That is the beauty of living in the present moment. Each moment is brand new. You can choose at any moment to be whoever you want to be. That choice is the only true thing we have any control over.

A Breathing Practice for Realignment

Before I finish up let us try the following to help remove feelings of self-cherishing which may bring suffering into our lives.

It starts with your breath and only your breath.

You feel it come in through your nose filling your lungs with oxygen and life.  You hold it for 4 secs in appreciation for the life-giving oxygen, with only the thought of gratitude for being alive.  Then you release the breath back out into the universe allowing any pain energy to ride on out with that breath.

Repeat that exercise 3 times.

🌬 Breath in and be grateful… Hold for 4 seconds… Breath out and let go…

🌬 Breath in and be grateful… Hold for 4 seconds… Breath out and let go…

🌬 Breath in and be grateful… Hold for 4 seconds… Breath out and let go…

Then say three things that you are truly grateful for.

❤ I am grateful for the opportunity to be a dad.

❤ I am grateful for the opportunity to help others.

❤ I am grateful for the muscles in my face that allow me to smile.

 Then say three beneficial things you are going to do for another person or persons.

🗣 I am going to tell at least one person today that I love them and know what it means to truly love them when I say it.

🗣 I am going to give a genuine compliment to a complete stranger today.

🗣 I am going to text someone that I have been thinking about and let them know that I am stoked for their friendship.

Hopefully you feel a little lighter and content.  Like you have realigned with the true purpose of the universe.

May peace and happiness be in every step you take.

Jay